Impossamole

~ IMPOSSAMOLE ~

Gremlin Graphics / NEC

HuCard

1991

I wouldn't call it the "best" part, because best parts of video games should never leave you with a splitting headache, but the most interesting part of Impossamole is its "cinematic" opening. A succession of slides details the dilemma of Monty Mole, lazy lounger turned superhero.

The images are kind of amusing, I guess, but it's the tune that accompanies them that makes the sequence so memorable. Never before had I heard a HuCard number that is so incredibly long and so remarkably strange. You'll be shocked at the bizarre, eardrum-annihilating sounds your console is capable of cranking out. And as the seemingly never-ending racket proceeds, you'll hear brief stretches of rhythmic and melodic genius. It's an up-and-down epic of a track, an utter disaster that's utterly compelling until it finally grows old and sputters out as pure noise towards the end of the image run.

The in-game audio also has its fair share of weird bloops and bleeps, but none of the other tunes really make much of an impression. In fact, once you get past the opening festivities, Impossamole is a complete dud. It's nice that it gives you large levels to explore (as you attempt to hunt down stolen scrolls). What isn't nice is that its collision detection is horribly off, and with your main kick attack so limited in range, you're sure to take one cheap hit after another. Making the whole thing even more frustrating is the fact that you must proceed very slowly and carefully: crap constantly rains down upon you, so if you rush forward recklessly (or even just move along at a regular platforming pace), you'll have your head thumped repeatedly. While the gameplay is certainly horrible, the visuals don't help: You'd expect the graphics in a title of this sort to be bright and colorful, but instead, they're rather drab and austere--quite awful overall.

Appearance-wise, the stages offer a lot of variety as you advance from one to the next; but in truth, the enemies in the different worlds all basically act the same--you'll encounter old bums in new costumes over and over again. The only real "variety" on offer comes in the forms of occasional uninteresting swimming sequences...

...and end-of-world boss battles. Aside from the dragon guy, the bosses are a fairly lame lot; the last one is so laughably oversized and underequipped for battle that you can't help but pummel him before he does any significant damage to you.

If, for some reason, you wake up one day and decide you absolutely must have a cartoony TurboGrafx platformer with awful collision detection, go for Tiger Road, as that one somehow manages to overcome its flaws and end up enjoyable. Impossamole, on the other hand, is not at all fun to play and ranks with the likes of J.J. & Jeff, Bravoman, and Talespin as a despicable disgrace within the Turbo platformer subset.