Final Zone II

~ FINAL ZONE II ~

Telenet / NEC

1990

CD-ROM

When I bought this game quite a few years ago, I played it immediately, completed it during that same first session, and didn't bother with it again for ages. It wasn't that the action was bad, but it was lackluster, and I decided I'd rather participate in message board discussions mocking the silly songs, horrible voice acting, and dopey cinemas than actually experience them again. I've paid the disc another couple of visits since the lengthy moratorium, and I'm never very happy with how the action starts off. The first two stages are quite ugly (especially Stage 2), and the stop-and-start gameplay doesn't do anything for me. Take a few steps, kill a few soldiers, stumble forward another few steps, repeat. Not good stuff, but the worst doesn't come until Stage 3's shooter antics. The level is unbelievably slow, dull, and primitive-looking.

But then comes the turning point.

I reach Stage 4 and select Hansen. His goofy theme music is so hilarious and absurd that it actually makes me laugh. This puts me in a good mood. Plus, the action, while still not thrilling, actually begins to pick up a bit. And by Stage 5, there are plenty of bullets to dodge. Even though the game is still very easy, it at least keeps me active.

And some of the music is actually pretty good, and I don't mean as a target of mockery. Bowie's tune is solid, and the boss theme sounds like something that'd be used in a Valis game.

However, while the second half of the adventure contains some respectable action sequences and the soundtrack is always entertaining, the game never threatens to actually become good. It's just deficient in too many areas. The graphics are poor, the first few levels are wastes of time, it's way too short and easy, the lack of real power-ups means lack of variety, and there are too few "true" bosses.

Also, most of the voice acting is atrocious. Some of it is decent, though; my lost cousin Zigfriedovich once expressed the belief that the character Hanna was voiced by the same VA who did Robotech's Lisa Hayes. I'm pretty sure he was right about this, and I think that Hansen was actually voiced by the same guy who did George Sullivan in the RT episode "Star Dust." Strange that they got some reasonably decent people for Hanna and Hansen, but a complete bum for the main character, Bowie.